Tiny Footprints......Good bye baby at 4weeks!!

This past weekend has been a whirlwind of emotions: shocked to excited to sad to depressed to puzzled to worried. I was 4 days late on my cycle and I took a pregnancy test on Thursday and there was a faint positive pregnancy line. So I was suspicious so I took another one 3 hours later......negative. So instead of playing this guessing game......I went to the doctor's office on Friday. I took a urine test and it was negative!! Since I am always on time w. my cycle and I did have a positive test.....she ordered a blood test. In the meantime.....Jesse and I are getting use to the fact I might be pregnant! What a shock! At first, Jesse was probably not liking the idea! But we knew it is God's will and his timing! So, Sat I am getting these light menstral cramps. That evening I started my period. By Sunday a good heavy flow w. more than normal cramps. So now we are confused and came to the conclusion we were not pregnant! What a let down! Jesse proposed that we should pray about having another baby! I thought that would never come from Jesse this side of heaven! So, Sunday night I get my test results from the blood test......POSITIVE! I say WHAT! Now this is confusing!! So am I preggo or not! To top it off.....my period stopped after just one day. My obgyn ordered a quantative test on Monday showing how much hcg I have. I got it back today, Tuesday. It was a 3. Here is a guide as to where your HCG should be at during pregnancy.

Gestational Age Expected HCG
0-1 Week 5-50
1-2 Weeks 50-500
2-3 Weeks 100-5,000
3-4 Weeks 500-10,000
4-5 Weeks 1,000-50,000
5-6 Weeks 10,000-100,000
6-8 Weeks 15,000-200,000
2-3 Months 10,000-100,000

So since my results is at a 3......I am no longer pregnant. My first initial blood work was positive....so it had to register 5 or above. It is decreasing.....MISCARRIAGE. I thought I would never suffer a miscarriage. What an empty feeling....feeling of getting robbed. A gift that was taken away. But I rest in God's PERFECT will and I thank God that he did not let me go through all the morning sickness and get attached!! My mom is enjoying him/her right now. What should I name this baby?

Due date Jan 4, 2011

Good bye baby for now.....see you soon! Tell Harmie I said hi!!

I dedicate this poem to you baby:

These are my footprints,
so perfect and so small.
These tiny footprints
never touched the ground at all.
Not one tiny footprint,
for now I have wings.
These tiny footprints were meant
for other things.
You will hear my tiny footprints,
in the patter of the rain.
Gentle drops like angel's tears,
of joy and not from pain.
You will see my tiny footprints,
in each butterflies' lazy dance.
I'll let you know I'm with you,
if you just give me the chance.
You will see my tiny footprints,
in the rustle of the leaves.
I will whisper names into the wind,
and call each one that grieves.
Most of all, these tiny footprints,
are found on Mommy and Daddy's hearts.
'Cause even though I'm gone now,
We'll never truly part."